Actual Letter Taken From The Times Of India . Respone To a 'Marriage Proposal' Advertisement! Marriage Proposal Reply In Punjabi English

Madam :

I am an older young uncle living
only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement
for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and
hope you will take me nicely and easily.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big,
six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with
hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing
hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good
batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in
for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is
scared of my balls because they bounce a
lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at
everyone. I am happy and I am
gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always
giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to
get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad
habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking cigarettes
or anything
else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping
like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want
you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb
bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is
always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am
living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things
into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing
myself on you, so that you will come in my house and
take my things into your
hands.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be
loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping
dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and
not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you
come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling
feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with
anticipation.